50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY
by the7thflockmember
Summary: What would happen if the flock found my list, '50 Ways to Annoy Iggy? Read to find out. Who ever knew they could be so cruel to everybody's favorite blind, pyro CHEF? Chapter 7 up!
1. Prologue

50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: The Story

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*What would happen if the flock got a hold of my list, 50 ways to annoy Iggy? Whoever knew they could be so mean to their blind pyro _chef_

**Disclaimer:  
**

**Zach:*Shakespearean voice* She owns not the characters of thy retarded *gets whacked in the head with a pillow* I mean fantabuawesome script**

**Me: 'atta boy!**

**Claimer: She owns the list! And, (in a way), Zach Goode!  
Zach: In your dreams!  
Me: touche  
**

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Prologue

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Fang POV

Wow. This thing is freaking genius. In fact, it's so genius, I almost can't describe it. I have to show Max.

Max POV

I swear. Fang can be such a computer nerd sometimes. He's been on that darn computer for… well, I don't really know how long! But I know it's been a while!

Suddenly I heard his low, sexy, and seductive voice—I did NOT just say that!

I mean, I heard his voice, (notice how there is no longer the use of adjectives in that phrase!), beckon me over to where he was sitting at the mouth of the cave.

"Hey, Max, would you look at this?" I walked over to him and peered over his shoulder to look at his black laptop and I didn't read farther than the title: 50 WAYS TO ANNOY IGGY.

Fang was on this website called fanfiction, whatever that is.

But anyway, this girl, the7thflockmember had a story that had a list of ways that we could annoy our dear, _dear_ friend Ig-meister.

A mischievous, no, _devious_ grin spread across my face.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Ooooh yeah."

Suddenly I heard little Angel's voice weave its way through my head.

_Max, that is so mean! How could you do that _to _Iggy?_

_Angel, what did I say about this? Besides, you can't tell him._

_Oh, no, I wasn't thinking about telling him… I want to help._

I sighed and realized that Fang and I couldn't put this together alone.

_Fine, Ange. Tell everybody else. When you guys get back from playing we'll put our plan into action._

_Alright, Max. Over and out._

I sighed again and let out a small chuckle. That's my girl.

**

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Okay, people. This is the story to 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy!! Can I get a WOOOT?! Okay, so here's the thing. I want at least… 5 reviews before the next chapter! I love you all!!**

**Peace  
Love  
Zachy Poo Goode!**

**Zach: oh, GOD, not with the _pet names AGAIN!_**

**please R&R!  
**


	2. Bathroom Gender Reversal

#1—When he has to go the bathroom take him to the lady's room and tell him it's the men's room

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***Okay, an anonymous review was made (thxx for the advice) and she said that I didn't really give you much to review for. So here's another chapter!* Thank you for all the reviews and story alerts! I hope this makes up for last chapters lack of funnyness... OOH! I JUST MADE UP A COOL WORD! funnynessfunnynessfunnynessfunnynessssss! =D Uh.. right... the story!**

disclaimer: I already! dissed my claim in the first chapter and i don't own chips ahoy cookies (DAMMIT!)  
claimer:i own my list!  


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Chapter 1—Putting the Plan into Action

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Max POV

20 minutes later Iggy and the kids came back.

Meanwhile, Fang and I were plotting world domination. Okay, okay, you caught me. We were actually planning how this list was going to work.

Phase one we like to call 'Bathroom Gender Reversal'.

When they all got back, Fang 'asked me' if we could go to Kmart and get a few things, which, surprisingly, wasn't a complete lie. We needed hot dogs. Yum.

"Iggy, I know you just got back, but I'd prefer not to leave anyone behind. We need to get some things from Kmart, so bring what you need; we're leaving in three minutes."

I heard a dark giggle from the back of the cave and silently prayed that Angel wouldn't give anything away.

As promised, three minutes later we were off in the sky. Fang flew to my right, his left wing overlapping my right; our wings in the middle of a synchronized choreography. He started whispering softly to me; it's a good thing Iggy is at the end because his hearing is beyond amazing.

Then Fang's quiet voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Max, we're here." I nodded and shouted to the others to prepare for landing. We angled our sore and tired wings so we could gracefully—or not… so… gracefully…—land in the back of Kmart.

After folding in our wings, we swiftly walked through the automatic doors. When we got to the food section, I realized how confused this made me. "Iggy, work your magic. I really am not good at this." He quietly chuckled and beckoned his partner-in-crime (Okay, Gazzy, but you all knew what I meant), over to where he was standing.

A half an hour later, we were finally ready to check out; turns out we needed more than I thought. On the Brightside, we got lots and lots of Chips Ahoy cookies because I felt deprived of my mother's. However, I was so caught up in the wonders of food that I almost forgot about the plan.

I winked at everyone and said, "Okay, last minute bathroom breaks!" The girls stuck with me because we couldn't go in the men's room, (LA DUH!), but we walked along with the guys anyway.

Iggy had his finger in Fang's belt loop. He and Gazzy brought their victim to the destination: the Ladies' Room. We stood two aisles away and listened.

"Hey, you guys coming?" Iggy asked, genuinely confused at why they stopped in their tracks at the "men's room" door. Gazzy shot a panicked look at Fang, but then swiftly pulled out a lie. "I already went."

Iggy's confused look only grew. "Where? And _when_?" Gaz cracked a mischievous grin.

"Trust me, you don't wanna know, man." Fang looked at the Gasman and softly shook his head; I could tell he was trying not to chuckle.

"Yeah, to tell you the truth, I'd rather do my business behind a tree than in a public bathroom. It's bound to get ugly in there. Luck for you, my friend, you're blind. So get a move on! I'm hungry as heck!"

Iggy sighed at Fang's remark and slipped inside te restroom. The boys backed away from the door and waited for the plan to take action.

Suddenly two loud female screams were heard, along with a short male yelp. The bathroom door flung open and two women—one heavy and short, the other tall and skinny—were beating the crap out of Iggy with their expensive Coach and Louis Vuitton purses.

All the while, Iggy was screaming. "Ouch, lady, geez, I'm blind, I didn't know! Ouch! WOW, THERE!" Silence. "Mommy," Iggy made a strained attempt of words and sunk to the floor writhing in pain.

Gaz and Fang looked uncomfortable.

Nudge's face was slightly turned and she whispered, "ooh, now that's gotta hurt." The ladies grabbed him and threw him out the doors.

"And stay OUT!" We looked at each other briefly and burst out in held-in laughter.

We made our way out the doors to where Iggy was against the wall of the building holding his crotch… area.

"That was low. And so not funny!"

I laughed. "You're right, Ig, that was low, and was definitely not funny."

Gazzy lauged again. "No, man, that was HILARIOUS!"

**

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I hope you liked Phase One! I know Zach did.  
**  
**Zach: *laughing hysterically on the floor* HAHAA! FOR ONCE YOU'RE NOT TORTURING ME!  
Me: right... about that...  
Zach: Oh boy...  
Me: REVIEW OR HE DIES!****  
plz R&R... but on second thought... i was just kidding about that last statement. I'd prefer to keep my criminal record clean.**

~abbbbbbbbz  



	3. Uh, What Happened to Having Five Senses?

**Alright, people, I know this chapter sucks, but I'm going to post chapter four because they go together. So bare with me, because there will be a few short chapters (such as this) that go together. So here it is!**

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#2—Pretend to be deaf and mute…

Chapter 2—Uh… Whatever Happened to the Normal Five Senses?!

Gazzy POV

Okay, so Fang told me that this was my turn to pull the prank on Iggy.

Number two on the list said that we had to pretend to be deaf and mute.

Get it? 'Cause Iggy's blind! And nothing will work! HAHAHAA! THIS IS GENIUS!

"Gaz, get ready. Iggy's walking over," Angel whispered to me. I stood up and she stayed sitting below me. My eyes widened as I looked at him.

"Hey, Gasman! You want to go and, uh, _play a game_?" He asked with a wink. That was our way of asking if we wanted to build a bomb.

I was about to reply when I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be able to hear him. So I settled with tilting my head.

"Gaz, did you just tilt your head? I heard a slight rush of wind. What's the matter? You there?" He knocked a fist on my forehead. "Knock knock, anybody home?"

I opened my mouth and mouthed the words, 'What? Angel, what did he say?" His face molded to a particularly confused and hurt voice.

"Are you alright? Did you lose your voice? A-a-are you mad or something?" I almost sighed at this, but quickly disguised it as heavy breathing. I picked up my hands.

"Iggy, something's wrong with Gazzy. Put your hands over his and feel them move," Angel instructed. He slowly placed his hands on mine and I got ready to put on what I practiced.

_  
TO BE CONTINUED_


	4. No They just slightly resemble letters

#3—…Then start signing (American Sign Language)

Chapter 3—No. They just slightly resemble letters. DING DONG!

Gazzy POV

I took a deep breath and remembered how to tell him that I'm deaf. You see, we didn't exactly have the longest time to look it up, so I had to work with finger spelling.

So I held my hand up to my chest, gesturing that I meant _me_.

Then I held my pointer finger up and made a circle with the others. _D._

I bent my fingers to where they connect at my palm. _E._

I made a fist with my thumb up. _A._ Last, I put my hand into the 'okay' motion; my pointer finger and thumb together and the others up. _F._

His confused look remained, but grew, if possible. "Angel, I don't get it. Is he… signing? Will somebody PLEASE explain to me what is happening because this is really annoying! Doesn't anybody remember that I'm _BLIND?!_"

I felt like shouting back, _Well, right now I'm DEAF AND MUTE! _I almost exploded. 

_Angel, please, I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. He's my best friend! This is hard! _Angel sighed.

"Well, gee, Iggy, I don't know. He's just moving his fingers to slightly resemble letters, and yet, he's just playin' around! Of _course_ he's signing, you ding dong!"

Iggy chuckled. "You get more and more like a little Max-kateer every day! Gaz, cut the act, you're an idiot." I exhaled slowly, I was severely puzzled. Angel spoke up.

"I don't get it." Iggy chuckled again and smirked. He's been doing that a lot lately. "Dude! I mean, seriously! You just don't give me enough credit. You were muttering under your breath. Stuff about how you didn't know how much longer you could deal with it and how I'm your best friend—thanks, by the way—and then you told Angel it was hard. What's up with you guys and trying to trick me today? That's twice in one day!"

I blushed and Angel exchanged a slight glance with me.

And that's when we ran. _Fast._ EXIT STAGE RIGHT!

**

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Okay, guys, I know these chapters sucked badly. BUUUUUT……. HAVE NO FEAR! I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU! I'm working on Chapter four. Oh, and thank you all so incredibly much because this is my biggest story yet! =]. Not to sound selfish or anything, but I felt kind of bad because I only got about two reviews on my story Broadway: MAXIMUM RIDE STYLE. And I thought that was one of my best chapters, too. So anyway… I'm going to thank a few of my reviewers.**

***TV Host voice* AAAAND to all of you lovely **_**anonymous reviewers…**_** here's to you! And get a fanfiction! THEY TOTALLY ROCK!**

**Bookworm: haha. You should tell me about the dream some time! Thanks, though!**

**amyandricky4ever: thanks, I am. There's going to be **_**at least**_** 50 chapters! (I HOPE YOU ALL READ THAT!! THERE MIGHT BE MORE!)  
**

**Anon: Yeah, you're right. Poor Iggy. But you gotta admit, it's **_**reeeally**_** funny pickin' on the blind kid! =D (No offense to any blind people out there! Though I don't really understand how you would be reading this… anyway!)**

**AphroditeWriter: Yes, Zach Goode is from the Gallagher Girls series. Oh, and as for telling him he's hott and sexy… well…**

**Zach: haha! I know! People just don't give me enough credit.**

**Me: oh boy. His head's swelling. SHUT UP ZACH! YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT ! (but a hott one)  
Zach: what was that?  
Me: Ohh, nothing… TIME TO GO DEFLATE THAT GINORMOUS HEAD OF YOURS!  
Zach: what… NOO!!**

**Me: anyway, thanks for the author comment. Um… yah… later!**

**midnightAlixe13: thanks. It's amazingness amazes me sometimes, amazingly enough. Haha. Jk. Jk. And don't worry, I wont kill Zachy Poo, I'll just stick a few pins in his big head until it shrinks a few (hundred) sizes!  
**_**and for you awesome reviewers who have accounts…  
**_**  
Aleria14: I'm not sure if you already did, but if you wanna see what's on the list, go to it's…. BIRTH MOM! (you know what I mean. It's the list this is based on), 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy. There's also ones for Fang and Max, too.**

**Sayregirl: (ch. 1) funny…ish? Is that a compliment? (ch. 2) what was that?**

**Sunshine Angel AND Rachel: YES! I LOOOVE SNICKERDOODLES!**

**everyoneisMISunderstood: yep. Those **_**are**_** the best. **_**Especially the cookies ***_**winkwinknudgenudge***

**TwiRidePotterGirl: haha, u lazy bum! =D YAY! DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE BOOKS?! And no way am I running! You and I shall rule the Gallagher Girls Fanfiction World! (along with a few select others). Oh, and never shall I have thought that you would've forgotten!**

**Firebird913: Dude, seriously, idk and… uh… I still haven't exactly edited her story.. woops! Musta slipped my mind! Sry, Panda!**

**kuaispeed: *gulp* don't wanna know what the 'or else' means…**

**Nudgepotter: NO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING ON MY WATCH MISSY!**

**Kelsey Goode: LOVE YOUUU WITH A BURNING PASSION!!!**

**Anyway… here's a sneak peak at chapter four!**

_**Iggy opened his mouth cautiously, eyeing me through sightless eyes. **_

_**"Look, all I'm asking—"I quickly intercepted his line of thought. **_

_**"Is for a little respect when you get home! Hey baby! When you get home!"**_

_**He shook his head slightly. "What I meant is—" "DON'T LIE DON'T LIE TO ME NOW! NOW I'M ERASING YOU! THROWING THOSE MEMORIES OUT!" **_

_**"Dude, seriously, since when can you do screamo?" **_

_**"Forever-ever-ever. Forever-ever-ever. Forever-ever-ever. Forever on the dance floor."**_

_**And that was when he lost it. I guess he just doesn't like Chris Brown. But then again, neither do I... **_

_**"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP A—" **_

_**"And let me go. This hurts I tell you so. For the last time you will kiss my lips now shut up and let me go!" With a final huff he left me standing there, chuckling quietly, leaning on a tree.**_

**If any of you can guess who it is, I'll give you a cookie! (first five reviewers) And the "mystery number" reviewer will get to be in part of Chapter four. **

**LOOK OUT FOR THE BUNNY NINJAS!! ('cause they're bringing in chapter four!)**

**~abbz**


	5. MY EARS! MAKE HIM STOP!

# 4—Start singing when he starts talking...

Chapter 4—MY EARS! MAKE HIM STOP!

Fang POV

Okay, well, i'm sure that could have worked out better.

But hey, cut us some slack! We're just a barbaric clan of genetically enhanced freaks!

When Gazzy and Angel got back they were completely out of breath and looking side to side. They needed an excuse for Iggy. That's where I came in.

I told them not to worry because I had a plan. But did I? Pfft. Of course... not...

However, Nudge, whom I have officially dubbed Junior Evil Mastermind of the day, asked when we would prank Iggy again. So, naturally, after thanking her like no tomorrow, **(A/N; I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT PHRASE!)**

I turned my laptop, Jeffrey on. What? I like that name! Anyways, as I was saying, I logged onto Jeffrey and opened up a copy of the list.

Seriously, though, I HAVE to find this girl and thank her for being the OFFICIAL master of Evil Masterminding. Without her, I would not have been able to be the prankster I live up to being today.

Quietly, I shut my laptop. 'Start singing when he starts talking'. This was the perfect one for me—i love music. All kinds, really, just don't tell anyone. I wouldn't want it to ruin my rep.

_Iggy should be coming back soon. Poor guy. He has a WHOLE lot planned for him. Hopefully it won't last long._ I thought to myself.

I got up and tucked away Jeffrey. Suddenly I heard a twig snap. I gasped at the sudden noise. It was Iggy.

"Hey—"

"--there. I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all." I shut my mouth and gave Iggy an impassive stare.

He tried again.

"Dude. Seriously. I meant a simple hi—"

"--ho! Hi ho! It's off to work we go!" He waved his long pale hand in front of my face and snapped twice.

Iggy POV

He knows Snow White? …okay... not gonna ask...

Fang was by far the biggest airhead ever. What was his deal? I tried to snap him out of it.

"Yo—"

"--VIP. Let's kick it!" He did this weird kick thing. How does the blind guy know, you ask? Well, it could have to do with the fact that he kicked my butt! And not in the figurative way, either. He actually kicked my ass!

I blinked at him.

"Oh, God—"

"--Bless my underwear! My only pair!"

"Okay then... no comment... I don't want to know. Look, all I'm asking—"

"--Is for a little respect when you get home, hey baby! When you get home!"

I shook my head lightly.

"What I meant is—"

"--DON'T LIE, DON'T LIE TO ME NOW! NOW I'M ERASING YOU! THROWING THOSE MEMORIES OUT! OUT TO FIND SOMETHING NEW!"

"Dude, come on! Since when can you do screamo? Not that it's surprising or anything..." I muttered that last bit.

"Forever-ever-ever. Forever-ever-ever. Forever-ever-ever. Forever on the dancefloor." I gave him a pleading look.

This was getting out of control. And annoying. It was slightly amusing, but definitely getting on my nerves.

"Fang. Please—"

"--Speak softly for they will hear us. And they'll find out why we don't trust them." And that was when I lost it.

Fang POV

That was when he lost it.

"What is your PROBLEM?! WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND L—"

"--Let me go! This hurts, I tell you so. For the last time you will kiss my lips now shut up and let me go! HEY!"

With a final huff he left me standing there, quietly chuckling, leaning on a tree.

Then I went invisible.

My work here is done. I sighed contently.

You can leave now.

**

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**

Thanks for waiting, I know you all probably hate me right now, but i've been so busy! I still love you all, though! Please review my recently updated stories, because I KNOW that many of you have them on story alerts! I don't mean to sound self-centered, but seeing reviews makes me happy!! =]

I named his laptop Jeffrey because my little step brother, Nick, decided that that was his favorite name. So when we were on vacation, his brother, Chris, was feeding the doves. There was this one that kept coming back. I said that we should name it Enrique when he asked, but Nick goes up to him and starts speaking softly, (which is weird, 'cause normally he yells... a lot), I think we should name him Jeffrey. That's my favorite name." It was a strange day. So Chris had a dove named Jeffrey for two weeks. Whenever we saw a dove we were like, CHRIS, JEFFREY CAME TO SEE YOU!!! it was funny

Aleria14 won the luck number, but I couldn't fit her in this chapter. But I PROMISE YOU ALL, I WILL PUT YOU/HER IN AS SOON AS I CAN! =]

those of you who got cookies, I believe I gave them to you. If not.... here! TAKE THEM!

Songs used:

**Ohio is For Lovers by Hawthorne Heights  
Hi Ho by the Seven Dwarfs**

**Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice**

**RESPECT by Aretha Franklin**

**God Bless My Underwear- I DON'T KNOW! WHY DO YOU ASK ME?!  
Darling by eyes set to Kill**

**Forever by Chris Brown**

**Conspiracy by Paramore  
Shut Up and Let Me Go by the Ting Tings**

Oh, and Iggy was about to say (at the end) 'shut up and leave me alone!" and every time he would be interrupted, he was asking about why everyone was bugging him.

**If it's not too much to ask, I want at least 25 reviews. 20 and I'll post sooner. But I'm leaving for 12 days on Sunday so I won't be back until the 24th of July. Sorry!**

Please read and review!

~Abby 3


	6. Even tylenol would be nice

**Kayy, guys, this will prolly be the shortest chapter I will ever write for this. It's one of those continued ones. Oh, and if you want to keep up on what will be coming next, don't forget to review and fave the list! (: Don't you just hate when people only subscribe or fave, but NEVER review?! That just gets to me. So if you're reading this, a small review just saying, 'continue or update', 'good', or 'this story sucks!', I'd love ya forever and ever. Anyway, onto the story (:**

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Iggy POV

Damn that stupidly emo bird stupid kid and his stupidly wide variety of stupid songs.

I've got a fnicking headache! **(A/N; Sorry, guys, but credit to Karecitay for the fnick (; )**.

I'm gonna go find some aspirin... or tylenol...even advil would be nice. I don't care just get me the freaking meds!

**Max POV**

I was kinda worried. Karma tends to get back at people.

But something tells me that if I didn't do everything on the list, then it would all be ruined.

The only problem was, how could I get Iggy to ask for aspirin. Hiding it would be too pointless.

I shook my head and put the bottle into my sports bra anyway. Hey! It's woman's one natural pocket!

Iggy came over mumbling. He rubbed his temples and I cleared my throat. His sightless eyes shot up.

"Oh, Max, good. Just the bird girl I was looking for. Do you have aspirin?' I slowly said no, making sure not to move and have the pills rattle.

He turned gruffly, spewing, "This day hates me. Thanks a LOT, God!"

_Damn, that girl is good._

**

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**

I told you guys it was short! Oh, and at the end, Max was talking about me and the genious surge I had with the list :P There's more on the way! It'll prolly be up by later tonight or tomorrow. Please review though so I can make sure I still have your attention!

**I love you all!  
~Abby**


	7. Birdkid, Plane, SUPERIGGY!

**Heyy guys, here's the chapter I promised you! I really don't have much to say up here**

Zach: shocker there  
**Abby: **shut up.  
**So basically I'm going to give you the chapter right now! I'm really sorry for the delay that has been constantly occurring but life does get very stressful and busy, so cut a girl some slack, eh? Kayy, guys, here it is!**

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#6--give him one of Max's bras and tell him it's a hat. then tie a shirt around him as a cape

Chapter 7--He's a birdkid, He's a plane, He's SUPER IGGY!

**The Next Day **

Nudge POV

We had decided that we would give Iggy a break from mortal humiliation.

He'd had so much yesterday… so we figured that today's a new day, the sun is shining, the grass is green, the sky is blue, blue is pretty, but not as pretty as pink, oooh, pink is my favorite color, it's the color of cotton candy which is so sweet and yummy, kinda like ring pops. Which reminds me of that quote about how you'd _toootally_ marry the love of your life with a ring pop instead of a diamond and diamonds are so pretty and sparkly like Edward Cullen…

I think I just got side tracked… hmm… ah, yes. Iggy.

So the next thing on the list was to put one of Max's bras on his head and tie a shirt around him like a cape.

I figured the shirt as a cape part would be pretty easy, but making the bra seem like a hat… I wasn't sure how we would do that.

Angel and I were going to ask Iggy to play dress up. Angel came skipping over to me.

She just looked so angelic, just like her name. that girl is as cute as a button! But I don't really get how buttons are cute, unless they're the really big ones because those are really 'in' in the fashion wor—

"NUDGE! Will you please quit your mental ramblings? Yeesh. Are you ready?" Angel interrupted my thoughts. Good, I suppose.

We walked over to Iggy, mentally counting to 20 before the Bambi eyes would take part.

"Iggy, we were just wondering if you would play dress up with—"

"No." He immediately replied, probably to stay out of the trouble he had been in the past 24 hours.

3…2…1…

"You guys are giving me the Bambi eyes… aren't you? You _know_ those can't work on the blind guy, right? There's no way to get me to see your silly, innocent—" Iggy stopped dead in his tracks.

By the way Angel was looking at him, her head slightly tilted to the right, her wide innocent eyes staring blankly into his, you could tell that she was showing him the looks. He grumbled something under his breath and finally agreed to it.

"Fine. What do I have to dress you fabulous little dahlings up as?" He said in a fake gay voice. We giggled.

"Actually, Ignacious, my pet, we were going to doll _you_ up." He sighed.

"If you lovelies insist." Angel got the stuff.

"Okay, Igs, we're gonna make you Superman!" He gave us a sarcastically shocked look.

"Wait… you guys are dressing me up as something _normal_?" I tried not to laugh.

"Well, we don't exactly have the outfit, but… you'll be a superhero with a hat and a cape!" He shrugged.

"Eh… whatever." Angel tapped Iggy and mentally told him to kneel to her level.

She had so badly wanted to put the cape on. She tied it in a knot at the front and then handed me the bra… no, the hat… the hat bra? Bra hat?

Anyway, I put it on his head with the cups facing up like horns upon his head and attached the clasp beneath his chin. He looked up at me, eyes wide.

"Since when do hats attach at my neck?" He questioned. I laughed nonchalantly, trying not to blow our cover.

"Jeez, Ig, what do _you_ know about fashion? You've never wore a hat that clasps under your chin? Seriously, let the fashionista do her job!" He huffed.

Angel cleared her voice and spoke in her tiny voice.

"Okay, Iggy, get up. Next part!" We giggled.

_To be continued_

**Okay, guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I've been working my butt off, but sadly my head hurts terribly. I must be related to Max because I've never meant it more when I've said that it feels like my brain was exploding. It gets to the point where my light footsteps sound booming in my ears and it feels like my head weighs 30 pounds on a little sore toothpick that's ready to break. Yupp, that's how I feel. I really appreciate all of the fans, also, so thank you very very much. If it's not too much to ask i want between 20 and 25 reviews for this chapter. I know that I really don't have to worry with you guys because this story seems like it's a huge success for me (which you have NO IDEA how excited that makes mee!!! :D so thanks) but if I don't get a lot of reviews you'll face the ultimatum. I'm not going to bother with telling you what it is because it's most likely a useless threat seeing as many people seem to like this.  
**

**Zach: **I think that was actually a considerate thing you did there  
**Abby:** Yeaah, don't get used to it, kiddo.  
**Zach: **Wouldn't dream of it.  
**Abby: **Anyway, I hope you liked it, and please leave advice, opinions, or random slurs! (:

Love Always,  
Abby


	8. Nudge… why is there a BRA on my head!

**Heyy, guys! I'm back with an update! Can I get a Yee-ha?  
Zach: Yee… what?**

**Abby: Jeez, and to think **_**you're**_** the spy who travels internationally… Anyway, you guys are probably my most faithful reviewers. I love you **__** much for that (: words can't express it. It seems like every time I give an update, I'm getting over bad migraines. Goooo me. Anyway, I've been getting some people who have reviewed and giving me small bits of inspiration, reviewer by reviewer, so I think it's about time you all find out what happens to poor Ignacious. Who's with me? [[and I'm sick of claimers and disclaimers. BOO THEM]]**

_

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY_

_"Since when do hats attach at my neck?" He questioned. I laughed nonchalantly, trying not to blow our cover._

_"Jeez, Ig, what do you know about fashion? You've never wore a hat that clasps under your chin? Seriously, let the fashionista do her job!" He huffed._

_Angel cleared her voice and spoke in her tiny voice._

_"Okay, Iggy, get up. Next part!" We giggled_

* * *

Nudge POV

I took out the digital camera Max's mom gave us, and turned it on with a teeny click. I readied my weapon by my face and spoke to Iggy like an Italian photographer.

"Work with me, kitten. Make me love you, make me _love_ you. Now make me hate, hate, _hate_ you. Very nice, very nice."

He snorted out a laugh, after posing stupidly, which made me walk up to him like a little diva, (which that walk I have now perfected), and pull out my miniature squirt bottle. _SQUIRT_.

"Phh. Thanks, very much, Nudge, for spraying me up my nose." I walked away, strutting ever so slightly.

With the camera against my face again, I shouted, "Now, show me anger, the anger from the depths of your soul!" Then in my normal voice, I added, "Or just the anger from having water up your nose." I snorted.

"Angel, what do you think Sir Igtastic should pose like now?" Angel seemed lost in thought for about a half a minute.

"OOH! I got it! No… nahhh, it'll be AWESOME!" Sometimes her enthusiasm just made my day brighter. "Pose like animals!"

Iggy's face contorted to a snarl and his hands curled up like claws. He growled like a lion, and the camera snapped more blackmail.

Iggy's right leg traveled up his right and planted itself on his thigh, then flapped out his arms stupidly, before shaking his head and outstretching his real wings. "Talk about being a flamingo mascot," he laughed.

"Okay, Ig, doll-face, last pose. Give me… Give me fishy face!" He chuckled, but obeyed.

Next thing I knew, Iggy's cheeks were sucked in, his eyes were crossed, and his hands were against the side of his face moving like the fins or gills. However, his hands also came in contact with a certain part of his bra hat…

His face went back to normal but his right hand was touching what was upon his head.

"Nudge… why is there a _bra_ on my head?!" That's when I grabbed Angel's hand and ran.

_To be continued_

**

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Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! More is on the way! I'm working on it now, but I'll probably have it up by tomorrow. Review! And don't be afraid to give a little constructive criticism, I'm really open with that kind of stuff. I'm going to start a new thing.**

**Zach: Oh boy. Here we go again. ****Last**** time she "started a new thing" I was missing an eyebrow for months! And the time before that, I couldn't talk in English for a week. Hola, espanol! Oh hoooo! Then there was the time wh—**

**Abby: Alright, Zach, they get it. Some shiz went down. Point is, this cannot hurt anyone. Unless someone reviews and hurts Zach's ego. *wink wink* My idea though, is to have a reviewer of the chapter! Basically, every chapter I'll choose a reviewer from the previous chapter and include what they wrote as my favorite. So, it's a bit of entertainment, plus it's advertisement for the reviewer! So review, silly gooses! [[after stupidly remembering, the plural of goose _is _geese... but i like gooses better!]]**

**And now, for your reviewer of the week..... UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND who said: **

its a bird, its a plane, ITS AN EGG SALAD SANDWICH!! No, wait, its a plane.

awesome, but poor iggy. Make them take pictures!! Use them as blackmail later in the story. Have Fang threaten to post them on the blog. MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *cough couch cough cough*

Peace  
Love  
Snickuz

**Thank you, everyone, and UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND. R&R, please!**

**~Abby 3**


	9. What Camera? There is No Camera

**Heyy, guys. Anyone get any reviews from a buffalo? Well, I did… several. Saying that my "mission, should I accept" is to write a story based on Max's list. The "should I accept" is key, no? Then the buffalo went on saying that they wouldn't stop posting the same review until I posted the first chapter of said story. I was like, erm… what? Ight then… I got about nine of those reviews… So, I'm trying to post a chapter of THIS story, even if this is unsuccessful. Best review is at the bottom! But please, read the chapter, not just the reviews :P**

**Zach: You know they could just go to the review page to do that…**

**Abby: I know, but point is I still want them to read it!!! Duh, Zach, duh. Here it is, people!!! :D**

_

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY_

_Next thing I knew, Iggy's cheeks were sucked in, his eyes were crossed, and his hands were against the side of his face moving like the fins or gills. However, his hands also came in contact with a certain part of his bra hat…_

_His face went back to normal but his right hand was touching what was upon his head._

_"Nudge… why is there a _bra _on my head?!" That's when I grabbed Angel's hand and ran._

* * *

Nudge POV

"Come _on_, Angel! Iggy does **not** look happy! RUN FASTER!"

I snuck a quick peak back at Iggy who had an extremely angry look on his face, and ran into something that made both Angel and me fall back. 

_Max_.

I heard her clear her throat from where I was on the ground. Angel and I moved over a bit to let Max steam over a bit.

"Max?" Iggy trembled.

"Iggy… what in the sans _**HELL**_ is on your head?!" He let out a nervous laugh.

"A… a bra? I, uh, I think anyway…" She sarcastically chuckled.

"And do you know just _whose_ bra that is?"

"Uh… would, uhm.. would it be _your_ erm… your bra?" Max snorted.

"Oh yeah. Give me a second to cool off." Iggy's face relaxed, hearing that Max wouldn't hurt him. 

_Slap! Click! _

Iggy looked at me with a red cheek, and Max with a smug grin.

"Did I just hear the snap of a camera?" I smiled mischievously.

"What camera?" I walked away with my best friend thinking _8 down, 42 to go._

**

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I know, I know, it was really short! But there are several chapters that all go together, so I'm terribly sorry for this. Anyway… review of the chapter!  
Zach: *drumroll noise*  
Abby: And your reviewer for the chapter IIIISSSS:**

**xOLuminousBubbleOx: **Superiggy! (yay!)  
Oh, very funny! Bra on his head...poor Ignacious! (hehe)  
Still cracking up about Jeffrey, I think that's the funniest thing like ever...

**Thanks so much! I quite enjoy Jeffrey, (Fang's laptop for those who don't remember), myself. (; Keep reading, everyone!**

**~Abby**


	10. Have Blog, Will Blackmail

**Hey! I am soooooo incredibly sorry for everyone. School let out a little over a month ago, but everything in my life has been OH SO stressful. But don't you worry, I won't go into details. I know y'all don't care about my personal life THAT much. But ignoring the past, cause I'm sticking with the present. You guys have been patiently waiting for the next chapter, so I won't bore you with anything.**

**Zach: Thank God for breaks, it means less talking. -sigh of relief-**

**Abby: Zach, shut the frozen peas up. I'm just making the readers happy. Besides, I'll just force you to listen to my unhappy music again -sly smile-**

**Zach: Ughh. You're lucky I'm almost immune to them. Enough! Read on, people!**

* * *

_Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY_

_Slap! Click!_

_Iggy looked at me with a red cheek, and Max with a smug grin._

_"Did I just hear the snap of a camera?" I smiled mischievously._

_"What camera?" I walked away with my best friend thinking 8 down, 42 to go._

* * *

# 9- post them on the blog and all over various websites

Fang POV

I was happily typing away on Jeffrey while leaning against a large, hollow tree, when I heard panting from a few yards away, then the quiet rustle of leaves against faces and the soft snaps of twigs underneath light feet. With a sharp click, I snapped the lid of my laptop closed in a hurry and jumped into an automatic stance, ready to fight.

Angel, Nudge and Max came gigging from the woods, with Dr. Martinez's digital camera and smiles the size of Africa. Angel, who was holding the slender silver camera in her left hand, scurried up to me and shoved the beautiful piece of technology in my face.

"HrFngplgthsin," The six year old speedily said. I gave her a confused look, having no idea what she said, and then perked my right eyebrow. She sighed.

"Here, Fang, plug this in. Jeez, we don't have time to dilly-dally, PUT IT ON YOUR BLOG!" I delicately took the camera from her and smirked.

"What's the magic word, Angel?" I teased.

"**NOW.**" Leave it to Max to ruin my fun.

So I'll save you the gory details of uploading the pictures onto my blog, but I _will_ tell you one thing. Okay, maybe a few things. The girls _might_ have gone a little overboard with the pictures. The wind was blowing at Iggy in a way that the "cape" he had on was twirling up in the back. And the bra positioned to look like ears on his head was extremely girly. No lie, like this pink thing- fuschia, if you must know- with little blue circles on them, (it was BULBOUS, by the way). That's not it, don't get your britches in a bunch. Thin black lines were the outline of flower petals around each of the blue dots. Lime green stems attached themselves to the flowers and darker green leaves grew delicately off of the stem. In between the two cups, (BULBOUS!), was a small, light pink ribbon.

_Oh my gosh... THE BRA MUST HAVE ESTROGEN ON IT AND IS THEREFORE SOMEHOW MORPHING MY BRAIN INTO A FREAKISHLY POETIC WOMAN... ALL THROUGH JEFFREY!  
_  
Angel started giggling, which eventually broke out into a full-out laugh. She obviously heard what I was thinking.

Max nudged closer to me and whispered in my ear, "You're catching flies. I can only imagine what you're thinking," and lightly nudged my mouth closed.

I ignored their chuckles and checked the caption to the pictures, then closed Jeffrey's lid and stood up.

"I'm out. Being an evil genius sure takes a lot out of me. Let's just pick up where we left of tomorrow, and call it a day."

I jumped up into the tree I was leaning on and slowly allowed myself to go invisible, my color slowly fading out into the dark, natural colors of the forest behind me.

**

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**

Hope y'all liked it! I know, it's not all that great, but expect yet ANOTHER chapter by tomorrow or Tuesday! :D SO DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE SEVENTH BOOK? It's gonna be called Angel! And Fang apparently travels cross country (or across the world?) forming his own flock, and then they meet up with the real flock and have to beat some evil scientisty dudes. AND MAX BELIEVES THAT DYLAN IS HER SOULMATE! That ruined my day. March 15th for paperback and February... either 11th or 14th for hard cover. CAN'T WAIT(:

**Zach: NEITHER CAN I! FANG IS SOOO DREA-I mean, pfft. -deep man voice- books. BAHAHA. What a JOKE! Let's uh.. Eat some rocks! And.. hit.. stuff..**

**Abby: Ahw you have a soft side. -smiles- That's so cute. DO YOU LIKE POETRY? -grins-**

**Zach: WHY can't I keep my thoughts to myself? WHY? Stupid Ally Carter.**

**Abby: Don't disrespect. Enjoy, my lovely readers!**

**Reviewerf the chapter: LILYPAD22!**

**"**This is the coolest most hilarous fan fic I think I have ever read! Please update!**" You made me feel great about myself(: It's so terribly difficult to decide who my reviewers are, but I hope I can make many of you happy to be here :D and I quite enjoyed these ones:**

**By: MAD AS A HATTER**

Hello as you ca-oh,fudge. Half of my left hand just went numb. It'll take me forever to type this with one and a half hands,so I'll be back,lik two minutes from now. Hold on.

Ah, I can feel my hand! Horay! Well,back to buisness. Well, as you can see, I' mad as a hatter. I have an announcement to make! I know of this crazy, slow, fast, smart ,VERY busy buffalo. He's also insane. See, couple'a years back,I actually met this buffalo. When we first saw each, we both realized we were both quite mad, me as a hatter, him as a buffalo. Why else would we be seeing buffalos and men in AWESOME top hats? We both instantly knew we should form a club. To be in the clu, you had to be madder than ME. Hey, wanna join? You seem a little crazy. Better ask . Anyway,before I go, I would like to tell you something REALLY important. It might just give you a little insight on how hideously, incredibly insane I really am. (here is where I typed something,then deleted it. And I agree with him. You should make a Max list story,'cause Iggy's list sucked to begin with. Max's,on the other hand,was awesome.

**For informing me about the Buffalo. BUT, please, do not anonymously insult my stories, eh? NO LIST SUCKS, it just may not be as mentally hilarious.**

**Love and Potato Sacks,  
Abby**

**P.S. Check out my blog! Follow me if you like. It's on tumblr . com and my name is abbymonsterx3. Therefore my name is . com  
(without spaces, of course)**


	11. Blame the7thflockmember!

**You know there's something wrong when I think that waiting a few days to update is a long time. You know that somehow... I've caught... FANFICTION FEVER. It's quite a frightening thing, really.  
Zach: Yeah, especially when you're next to it day and night.  
Abby: -british accent- You know you love it, Zachary. You love how crazy I can get. Fanfiction fever is a lovely, lovely mental illness. I'm afraid I've caught it. Too bad it didn't happen before. Hmm.. This is quite fun, thinking in a British accent like a lunatic -smiles-  
Zach: Read the chapter, guys. AGAIN, I have to help this poor soul.  
Abby: -double wink-**

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

_I ignored their chuckles and checked the caption to the pictures, then closed Jeffrey's lid and stood up._

_"I'm out. Being an evil genius sure takes a lot out of me. Let's just pick up where we left of tomorrow, and call it a day."_

_I jumped up into the tree I was leaning on and slowly allowed myself to go invisible, my color slowly fading out into the dark, natural colors of the forest behind me._

* * *

# 10- lock him in a closet without food or water for 5 hours

Max POV

I was flying. But totally not flying. I mean, my wings were tucked into my back. I looked up at who held me captive in their arms. He leaned down and kissed me; I was engulfed in darkness. I felt his smooth tongue lightly swipe over my lip and I-

I felt something nudging my back, so I swatted it away, wanting to continue my dream. Until I felt the nuisance again. I hopped up yelling, "WHAT?"

I saw Fang jump back. He chuckled.

"Calm down, it's just me. Fly with me." I sighed, wondering how early it was, but listened. We flew over the trees until Fang pointed out a large rock on the shore of a cave. We landed on the rock and sat down next to each other.

"Whats up, Fang?" He wasn't looking at me. "Is everything alright?" My eyes immediately shot to his stomach. "Are you hurt again?" He laughed.

"No, Max, I'm fine, they're fine, everything's fine. I just wanted to talk to you." I sighed and gestured for him to start. "Well, first off, it's about the list. And the best interest for the flock." I gave him an impatient look. "I think we should give your mom a visit." I looked at him and then broke into a grin, hugging him.

"That's a great idea, Fang!" He seemed content with my response. "Was there anything else?" Again, he wasn't looking at me. "Fang?" He finally looked up.

"Max, I need you to be truthful with me. I can't just ignore this anymore. I just can't." I looked down, ready for the question, but Fang's rough, but gentle finger lifted my chin up so that I was looking at him. "I need you to tell me how you feel about me. If you don't feel the same way, that's alright, I'll forget about it. But I need to know. I'm sick and tired of pretending that I feel nothing between us when I do."

He leaned in and suddenly I was dreaming again. His tongue caressed my lip and I gasped, accidentally allowing him access. Not that I was unhappy about it. Everything went smoothly, like a dream come true.

That is, until we both went falling off of the rock and into the freezing cold, night-time lake. When we surfaced, we were both laughing like lunatics. He pushed on my shoulders and we both went underwater. I opened my eyes and he was circling me. Bubbles exited my open mouth as I continued to giggle, and journied up to the top of the no longer still and quiet water.

I came up for air and looked around. Fang's hand was sticking up through the very top of the water, and he was bobbing up and down.

"Help... me... drown...ing..." He managed to get out as the water managed to reach his lips. I laughed and shoved his head under water. I stayed there laughing, treading water and waiting for the bird boy to come up to where I was. He did, but was on his stomach. I gave him a nudge, knowing he was faking.

"Come on, Fang, quit playing around." He continued not to move. "Shit," I muttered, dragging the no longer breathing boy with me to shore. I got him to the very start of the shore; to where the rocky excuse for sand started to mush into mud and the water splashed by in tiny waves.

"Fang, pull through. Come on, bud! I need you here! Don't you dare fucking leave me. You can't leave me!" I was hitting his still chest, tears forming in my eyes.

"FANG. Wake up, Fang, **please. **Stay with me, you ass hole. I... I love you." I pushed on his chest and waited for some kind of water to come up. Pinching his nose, I blew as much air as I could muster into his lifeless body. By now I was sobbing onto his dark, sopping wet figure. I manuevered myself onto Fang and laid my head on his stomach, whispering his name to myself.

I heard a chuckle from beneath me. Wiping my closed eyes, I looked towards the chuckle. Fang had a stupidly ironic smirk on his face.

"How... You... But... That doesn't make sense!" I sputtered. He smiled and pointed towards his neck.

"Gills." I crawled over to his face and leaned towards him.

"You're a jerk," I spat, and then kissed him. "I love you, but you're a jerk." We sat together, soaked from head to toe, until the sun came up, just enjoying the company of the other.

In the morning, we told the kids that we were going to my mom's.

And thank the heavens that we were only about twenty miles north of her house. That was a piece of cake and we made it there just in time for two o'clock double chocolate chip cookies!

Angel had read our minds about what happened at the lake and apparently told everyone, so Fang and I being an unofficial item was no secret. But apparently it wasn't to any of them. I ignored that.

I had Angel mentally tell Gazzy and Nudge about the plan for the next thing to do on the list and when we arrived at my mom's I told her and Ella about it. They agreed to helping as much as they could. Well, Ella did, Mom just okay-ed the whole thing. I have the best mom.

After lunch, I opened the closet door and left a bottle of water and a half a pack of oreos outside of it. Fang walked in with Iggy, talking about a cool 'sound system' we owned. Iggy had his finger through Fang's belt loop and was being led inside the closet.

"It's right over there to the right. Feel across the wall," Fang told him as he backed out of the closet and swiftly shut and locked the door.

I heard a muffled, "Guys! What?", and a bang on the door. "Seriously? Really, you always pick on the blind guy."

Really, he was right.

But we blame the7thflockmember.

**

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**

WOW. WAY TO THROW ME UNDER THE BUS, MAX.

**Zach: Hahahahhahahahahahhahaha that's great! For once it's not me!  
****Abby: Watch it, you. You're already on thin ice.  
****Zach: Well you didn't just give me the scissors! And look!  
****Abby: I couldn't pass up a chance to add a little bit of the Fax spice into my recipe of hilariosity! I hope it was a nice twist! Enjoy, dearies!**

**Love and Stupid Snapple Facts,**

**Abby**


	12. NOT A CHAPTER Fictionpress?

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the random thing, but I made a fictionpress account and I'd **_**looooooooove**_** if y'all read my story! My penname is the7thflockmember (so no one is confused) and the story is called My Life in Flames. Suck start, I'm aware, but read please? Love youu.  
Zach: I can't even follow her there. SUCCESS.**

**Abby: Shut up.**

**Love and Apologies,**

**Abby**


	13. Iggy Goes Insane and Bell Joins Us!

**Hey there! A lot of people are asking if I'm going to discontinue my fanfiction stories. And the answer? NO FREAKING CHANCE. I just wanted to write something kind of... real for once. So please check out my story on fictionpress!**

**Zach: I repeat, I CAN'T FOLLOW HER! -whoops-  
Abby: I repeat, SHUT UP.  
Zach: I'm sorry... -shifty eyes-  
Abby: You know you're gonna miss me.  
Zach: Yeah, you're right. Just a little.  
Abby: Ahh, well you **_**do**_** live with me and coexist inside my fanfiction account. Things even out.  
Zach: Please, let me forget. Read, guys! (And girls!)**

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_

Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

__

I heard a muffled, "Guys! What?", and a bang on the door. "Seriously? Really, you always pick on the blind guy."

Really, he was right.

__

But we blame the7thflockmember.

* * *

Iggy POV

It had been... I'm guessing about two hours since my "family" locked me inside this darn closet. Really, it was probably only like, 45 minutes. I started twiddling my thumbs. Well, hey! If people do it when they're bored, there's got to be _some_ kind of reason behind it. And I mean, seriously, there are a _lot_ worse things I could be doing when I'm locked in a closet alone... No, not like that, you sicko! I meant I could be finding things to use with a bomb! Jeez, teenagers these days.

I started tapping my foot absentmindedly and proceeded to hum quietly to myself.

"Slide to left. Slide to the right. Take it back now, y'all." I happily bobbed my head to the random song that popped into my head and suddenly, out of boredom, have no fear, I started to do the Cha Cha Slide. When you have nothing better to do, you might as well entertain yourself.

By the time I was finished going through the clapping of my hands, I was bored with that song. No offense, Mr. C the Slide Man.

"If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton Eyed Joe?" Those silly dance moves are actually really fun. But you didn't hear that from me, got it? It then occured to me how insane I was becoming. My family was driving me clinically insane. I was singing to Rednex! They couldn't even spell out the full words Red Necks! For goodness sakes, there was certainly something wrong with my bird brain... And now it sounds like I just insulted myself.

A new song popped into my head and I grinned.

Angel POV

Suddenly, I started cracking up. Everyone stared at me like I was a lunatic, but I continued to laugh. Iggy had been attempting to entertain himself... by twiddling his thumbs, doing the Cha Cha Slide and questioning Cotton Eyed Joe's motives. But now... Now was when things _really_ got good.

Iggy POV

"Hi, Barbie! Hi, Ken! You wanna go for a ride? Sure, Ken! Jump in!" I mocked their voices, secretly wishing I had Gazzy's gift of imitation.

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic is fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere; Imagination, life is your creation! Come on, Barbie, let's go party!" I hit my head against the door; purposely, don't worry, I'm not _that_ stupid of a blind kid. I allowed myself to drag my fist and forehead down the thin piece of wood.

"How much longer do I have to stay in here? I can only think of so much to do! And I'm **so** hungry!" I whined. At this point, I didn't care. My abnormally fast metabolism was kicking off an all time high because of my frantic dancing. I heard a laugh.

"You, my dear Iggy, have to stay in there for five hours." I must have caught at least ten flies in my mouth. _Five freaking hours?_

"You're kidding right?" I questioned, practically shouting. I heard Max lean her fist against the door.

"Well, there is _one_ way you can get out..." She dragged on.

Why the hell was this happening to _me_?

**

* * *

**

Next chapter, HIS ULTIMATUM! :D

**BUUUUT, since it doesn't send out as being a replaced chapter and I want to have only like, 50 chapters, Y'all are lucky and I'll add the next chapter. It would be short anyway. OH. And...**

**ALERIA14 WAS OUR CONTEST WINNER FROM LAST MAY! Everybody cheer!**

**Zach: wooh.  
****Abby: Sorry for the long wait, Bell, and for his lack of enthusiasm.  
****Hope you like it!**

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Chapter 12

Max POV

"Well, there is _one_ way you can get out..." I teasingly told Iggy. Number eleven on the list said that we could let him out on _one_ condition, and one condition only. It was actually quite a horrible thing and I pitied the boy.

"So? What is the condition?" I could practically hear my "brother" salivating over freedom. Just as I opened my mouth, the doorbell rang.

"Max, can you get that?" Mom shouted.

"Hold on, Iggster. Five minutes won't kill you," I laughed as I left to check the front door. A girl who looked about my age was standing in our porch. She smiled warmly as I opened the screen.

"Hi! I'm Belinda, your next door neighbor! Ella's one of my best friends and she told me that her sister and adopted siblings were visiting! I take it you're Max?" She looked _very_ excited to see me. I nodded.

"Hi, Belinda, it's nice to meet you. Would you like to come in?" She nodded.

"Oh, and call me Bell. Belinda seems _way_ too formal." I was going to have to remember that. I started to lead her towards the closet we held Iggy captive in but she stopped me. "Ella told me about how you saved her from those boys. I wanted to thank you. She wasn't the only one who was bullied by them. I was actually shot in the leg by one of them. They stopped bullying shortly after you showed them up. So thanks." She had a small smile playing at her lips. I soothingly rubbed her shoulder and nodded an acceptance.

"Well, they're all jerks. Listen, are you into practical jokes?" She grinned from ear to ear, so I took it as a yes. I hastily showed Bell the list that was minimized on Fang's laptop.

"Come on, let's take a look at our victim." I had a sinister smile plastered on my face as I lead my neighbor to Iggy in a closet.

**

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**

WOOOOOH FOR BELL!

**Check out some of her stories! Or all of 'em, whatever floats your boat.**

**Zach: So tell them more about the news!  
****Abby: I'm on fictionpress, everyone! I'm writing a story based on my whole life, but everyones names are different (hence why my name is Danica in the story... hmmm...) I haven't gotten very far in it, but I've been told my life is dramatic enough to be a TV show... a book is satisfying enough. Want an excerpt? Well, why not? Writing seems to calm me down. Here's chapter one of My Life in Flames. Check it out on the real site!**

* * *

**My Life in Flames**

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Okay. So lets just start out on a first name basis. My name is Danica, but call me that and you won't live to read another sentence in this story... thing. My friends just call me Dani. So get used to it, cause believe me when I say, that's what you'll call me, that's what you'll remember me by and that's the name you'll keep with you in the back of your mind for basically ever.

I'm not leaving because I've been told I have a way with words and it remains in your subconscious until the day you die. Like I said, you'll wanna remember the name Dani.

Now, where was I...? Ah, right.

So everybody basically thinks I'm this depressed girl with souless, heartless, mother fucking parents and a shitty life. Either that or that I'm just about the happiest camper you'll ever encounter.

My job? Well, I have to tell you about it. I'll give you a fair warning; this is not a happy story for the weak- minded, unicorn loving, happy-happy-joy-joy kid. This is not a pretty story. You can't expect a fairy tale life when all you've ever known is lies and heartbreak.

So, I'm your normal American teenage girl; fourteen if you're looking for the creepy, stalkery details. I'm pretty short, standing at five foot, one and three quarters of an inch. In the summer my blonde hair naturally soaks up the sun and there you have it; a wonderful, messy disaster of just about a thousand different hair colors.

Though people tell me otherwise, I live and breathe to believe that my slightly pukey green colored eyes are the only nice feature about me. Oh, and my wicked sense of sarcasm and slapstick sense of humor.

Imperfections; I've got plently. I've got a half a forehead covered in pale pink acne since I'm stubborn and refuse to ever put my bangs up. My eyesight is so completely terrible that people often tell me that I'm legally blind. Yeah, keep laughing while you feel all high and mighty sitting behind your totally awesome, fantastic keyboard. It's all just hilarious. I've got what my dad calls 'bird lips' because they're pretty darn tiny and an excessive amount of bust plus my awkward lack of butt constantly piss me off.

My parents divorced each other when I was a wee third grader, suddenly sending my life crashing down into utter chaos and bursting into pathetic hells of flames.

Being a stupid, senseless, immature, naive and totally unaware little kid has got to be just about the best thing possible. Why I ever wished to grow up, I still can't figure out. When you're finally aware of all the meaningless shit that completely envelopes your life, you really wish you could turn back time like Hermione Granger with a time turner.

So now... I'm basically at a loss of where to start... Maybe the day I was born? I mean, obviously, it's not like I remember that day or anything, but shocker here, it's a pretty vital moment in every human being's life.

So shall we flash back? Enjoy the ride and remember, this is a true story, though not how everybody recalls.

Welcome to my own personal hell; The life of Danica Jones.

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Good? Bad? Crappy start? Go to fictionpress and tell me! -winks- I hope you liked the Iggy story, too! And I'm aware of how confusing this seems... Sorry :/ But I still love you all!

Love and Inkless Pens,  
~Abby


	14. I Should Have Risked Starvation

**RAWR! Scared ya, didn't I?  
****Zach: -shaking-  
****Abby: -shakes head- So much for a high and mighty spy...  
****Zach: -glares- I just wasn't expecting it. Gosh.  
****Abby: Anyways... Uh... yeah. Way to make me lose my train of thought, Zach. So, I don't have much to say and I'm being kinda spacy right now... So I guess just read.  
****Zach: -winks- She saw my face and immediately forgot everything.  
****Abby: Yeah, your wretchedly awful face.  
****Zach: -scowls- Just read.**

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# 12- Handcuff him to Nudge and Angel for 5 _more _hours

Chapter 13- I Should Have Risked Starvation.

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IGGY

I could hear hushed whispers from the other side of the closet door, but I could tell that Max hadn't returned.

"Hello? Bird kid in a closet! Did you forget about me? HELLO!" I was now on the floor in quite a pathetic fashion; I was laying on my stomach with one arm outstretched in front of me and the other cushioning my head. I heard a small knock on the door.

"Max? Oh, Max, Max, Max, _please_ be you!" I begged, getting onto my knees. I heard her laugh.

"Yes, Iggy, it's me. And our neighbor, Bell." I cut her off from saying anything else.

"Yeah, yeah, that's great. Hiya, Bell. WHAT IS MY DANG ULTIMATUM?" I shouted to her.

"Fine, fine. Okay, Iggy, if you must know."

_**Ten Minutes Later**_

I should have risked starvation.

"WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER ONCE WE KNOW THAT WE ARE, WE'RE ALL STARS AND WE SEE THAT!" Nudge and Angel were handcuffed to either side of me, shouting into the microphones that were plugged into the playstation.

"HIT IT, IGGY!" Nudge shouted to me. She held the microphone up to my mouth with the hand that wasn't attached to mine.

"We're all in this together and it shows when we stand hand in hand, make our dreams come true." I mumbled, moving their hands up when I had to sing 'hand in hand'. Once the song was over the two were jumping up and down, killing my arms. Angel laughed very loudly.

We went through all three karaoke CD's we have, singing songs ranging from High School Musical, Hairspray and Hannah Montana to Vanilla Ice and Sheryl Crow. I will never look at music the same.

"Jeez, Iggy! You're not a very enthusiastic singer!" She gasped, her eyes turning very wide. "I HAVE AN IDEA!" I looked straight ahead of me and sighed. Those are words you do _not_ want to hear from Angel. Ever.

Would you like to know why? Well of _COURSE _you do! You love watching me SUFFER.

I was the first candidate for Angel and Nudge's beauty line- makeup and all.

They made me try on dresses and skirts and 'pretty, flowly blouses'. There were one shouldered tops and halter tops and tube tops. Then of course there were tube _socks_. And thigh high socks that you wore with boots that had to be worn with short, short skirts because God forbid you paired them with a long skirt or a nice pair of slacks. But no, they're _never_ called slacks, either! They're PANTS because slacks sound too profess- WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT? I'm turning into Nudge...

So now, if you're wondering, which obviously, you are, here are the things I learned from this four hour fashion experience:  
Apparently pink is not my color, red lipstick makes my teeth look disgustingly yellow, and if I wear cuffed boots with a denim mini skirt, my legs look fabulously long.

Oh, and hot wax REALLY hurts.

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Ohhhh, poor Iggy. How I love to torture him! I just can't help it, you know! And the others will get their turns as well, don't you worry.  
Zach: Thank God I'M not part of the Flock.

**Abby: -glares- Would you like to be?  
****Zach: No thanks. I'll just stand over here and make myself a nice sammich...  
****Abby: Anyways... I hope you liked the chapter! I thought it was kinda funny... short, I know, but funny! Reviews make me really happy!**

Love and Painful Experiences,  
Abby


	15. Operation: Fake Place Called Narnabithia

**I'm back! And EXTREMELY tired! I should probably be sleeping right now... And what I'll probably do is finish the author's note and go to sleep... then write more on the author's note... and then write the chapter! Ahh, the exciting life of Abigail. Just don't call me that.  
Zach: AY AY, ABIGAIL!  
Abby: -steam from ears- I told you never to CALL ME THAT!  
Zach: -backs away- erm, sorry, Abby. I... I love you?  
****Abby: Zachary, I'm cranky. And if there's one thing you've learned about a cranky Abby is that even if you say that you lo- -sweetly- wait! You love me? -swoons a little-  
****Zach: -awkwardly- uhh... yea.. Yeah! Yeah, I love you, Abby, that's it.  
Abby: Ah, yay, that's so great that you -shifts to angry voice- actually thought I would fall for that! How long have you been living with me and you still can't get that through your thick skull? I'M CRANKY. DEAL WITH IT. NOW JUST... GO LAY DOWN IN OUR BED UNTIL I GET UP THERE.  
Zach: But what about the author's note at the bottom?  
Abby: That's tomorrow's adventure. Do you listen **_**EVER**_** listen to me?  
Zach: You lost me at tomorrow.  
Abby: -facepalm- Just go.  
****Zach: -leaves for Abby's twin sized bed-  
Abby: Anyways, guys, I'm gonna go make sure he isn't crying right now. I'm not a very pleasant tired person... But I'll forget about this if I don't start the A/N. Night, my readers! Note you in the A.M.!  
**In the morning

**Zach: -yawns-  
****Abby: -grins- Hello! I'm back! And so so happy that Aleria14 is reading again! I hope you like it and now you're going to narrate this chapter! I hope it doesn't seem too OOC compared to you!  
Zach: Don't get your hopes up.  
****Abby: And you think I'm cranky? Go get yourself some brain food. Read, dearies!**

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13) Tell him that you discovered this new place called Narnabithia!

Chapter 14- Operation: Fake Place Called Narnabithia!

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BELL

The list that Max showed me was pure _genius. _I mentally scolded myself for not coming up with something like it before. Well, not for Iggy, but for like... You know what I mean.

I took tons of pictures after Nudge and Angel gave Iggy a _beautiful_ makeover.

My favorite picture is when he was wearing the tight leather skirt with faux purple fur on the bottom and a zebra striped belly shirt with thin spaghetti straps. His lipstick was a classy purple and his fake eyelashes were starting to come off. The clip on hoop earrings he was wearing were turning his ears bright red and the blush on his cheeks was invisible underneath the red, glowing embarrassment all over his then- naturally blushing face.

Ah, sweet victory.

I scurried into the kitchen and peaked onto Fang's laptop, seeing what the next thing on the list was.

_13) Tell him that you discovered this new place called Narnabithia!_

Well... That was an easy number. I looked to the next one and realized that they were connected -that made more sense. Angel walked into the kitchen from the living room doorway.

"Iggy's on his way in! Commense step thirteen -Operation: Fake Place Called Narnabithia!" I held in a giggle at her silly operation name. She was cute nonetheless. She smiled at me and then disappeared as Iggy's lithe footsteps filled my ears as he entered from the other door.

"Oh, hey Iggy!" I cheerfully stated. He mumbled a quiet verbal salutation.

I looked at his hazy, blue eyes and internally sighed. Too bad Ella had a _huge_ crush on him, because hot damn! Those eyes were enchanting. I knew he meant a lot to her, though, and I couldn't do that. Besides, torturing him was a _lot_ more fun than I had expected... and I don't even know the kid! I should probably feel bad about all of this... Call me heartless, but I didn't! I chuckled at myself but hastily covered it into a cough.

"So... uh... wow, that Nudge and Angel fashion thing... Ouch." He sarcastically "ha"-ed. "No, really. I mean, sure, you have killer legs," I blushed and wanted to whack my forehead with my palm. "But I've waxed before... Not fun."

"Yeah, tell me about it. If they could've forced me through child birth, trust me, they would have." I have no doubt in his reply. "But thank _God_ they can't because now I know; guys really _are_ weaker than women! I can admit it! Beauty is pain." He plopped himself down into a chair, his head falling into his hands. I sat down next to him and awkwardly rubbed his shoulder.

"Well, Iggy, if it makes you feel better, I discovered something _really_ cool!" He picked his head up in the direction of my voice and 'looked' at me with good aim.

"Keep talking," he dragged on.

"It's this place and it's SUPER cool. I like to go there when I'm troubled or worried or sad. Sometimes when I'm angry, too! It's a quiet place to think." Ahw, I'm so devious!

"Where is it?"

"It's actually here in this house! Ella and I used to go there to do homework sometimes. It's called Narnabithia." He smiled.

"That sounds really cool right now... Do you think you can sneak me there while they aren't looking?" He looked at me, hungry for an escape. Obviously he didn't catch on to the Narnia and Terabithia combination. Silly boy.

"Sure, come with me!" He put his finger through my belt loop and I lead him to his destination. 'Narnabithia' here we come!

**GOOOO BELL! Nice work, my friend, nice work! How stupid do you have to be not to catch on to the Narnia Terabithia combo?  
Zach: Iggy stupid?  
Abby: Hey now! Don't go insulting Iggy considering what you just did!  
Zach: -blushes- Please don't bring it up...  
Abby: Well, since you said please... . NECKING!  
Zach: But it was the morning! I was tired! I know what necking is!  
Abby: Really? What is it then?  
Zach: Erm... Uh... Your mom never told me...  
Abby: -sigh- urban dictionary it. I figured this was common sense. Where did you even _get _that from?  
Zach: Some fic said that Max and Fang were 'necking behind a rock, trying to hide from the rest of the Flock. The moon cast a beautiful glow over the lake and it was such a romantic scene that they couldn't help but start ta"- nevermind. I'm not going to finish that sentence.  
Abby: OHMYGOSHEW! ZACH'S BEEN READING FAX LEMONS! ZACH'S BEEN READING FAX LEMONS! -sings- EW EW EW ZACH'S A PERVE WHO READS LEMONS ABOUT MAX AND FAAAAAAANG!  
Zach: -blushes- I'm just going to leave now...  
Abby: Best. Day. Ever. So, guys, reviews make me an extremely happy person! Love you all!**

Love and Lemony Goodness,  
Abby


	16. It's Been In My Closet This Whole Time!

#14) Tell him it's in his closet

**IGGY POV**

I was wondering why I had never heard of Narnabithia before. And it was in my own _house!_ Man, life could be grand. You have to go through a little chiz to get to the good stuff, eh? Bell was leading me to this new getaway and I couldn't WAIT. I cleared my throat a little bit, getting kind of anxious.

"So, uh, Bell. Where is Narnabithia anyways?" I awkwardly questioned. She laughed, a high-pitched giggle.

"Well, Mr. Impacient, it's in your closet, actually!" My jaw must have hit the floor.

"It's been in my closet, which I was locked in for a few hours, and I haven't known?" I was flabberghasted.

My mind drifted to what I could do in this fantastic land. Maybe there would be a meadow and a clear lake with a beautiful waterfall. I thought of gorgeous water nymphs and mystifying mermaids. This was my land.

Or maybe it was an indoor place, seeing as it was in my closet and all. What if it was an old library? One that smelled like used books, and the stains on the pages told their own stories on top of the authors'. I could read forever if it was a library or a book store, and never have to encounter my loving flock again.

I also thought about white. If it was a room in an asylum, with poofy, white pillow walls that would let me see. Or a field of snow, with dazzling snowflakes gracefully dancing from the sky onto my tongue, which I could see the shadow of, if it was up against the white snow. I could observe my snow angels, see a snowman that I built on my own. I'd have sight.

I was interrupted when Bell came to a stop.

"This is it! The gateway to Narnabithia!" She sounded delighted to be sharing her little secret with me. I hastily hugged her and opened the door to heaven.

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Poor Iggy. How does he not see this coming?

**Review, my lovelies, that would make for a super happy Abby! And I'm so sorry for slow reviews, sophomore year is horrible. Sorry for the short chapter, as well! :/ If anyone has a tumblr, follow me and message me, saying you're from fanfiction, and I'll follow back! :D**

**abbymonsterx3 . tumblr . com**


	17. Hips Make for Good Excuses & Leverage

#15) Shove him at it (door's open)

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IGGY

I was mere seconds from heaven when I felt hands grip my hips. By force of habit, I grab the wrists of my attacker and braced my knees. A laugh that sounded like wind chimes on a summer day giggled to my ears.

_It's just Bell. Chillax, man._ I rolled my eyes at the thought of talking to myself. I let go of her wrists and let down my guard.

"Oh, jeez! It's just you. I thought... Nevermind. What were you doing?" There was silence for a few seconds and then I felt the hands find their way to my hips again.

"Well, Iggy," her left hand remained on my right hip, while the other roamed its way on my side. "You see, you've really just... caught my eye." Her tone changed to something that sounded... dare I say, _seductive_.

I felt her pointer and middle finger walk their way up to my collar bone. I took a big gulp in and cleared my throat.

"Well, uh, Bell," I grabbed her wrists again, but gentler this time, "You know Ella and I... we... well..." She yanked her hands away from me and I knew she was blushing.

"Oh, I know Iggy. I'm sorry. You have lovely hip bones, though." I felt her place her gentle hands on me again. That was where I got off the Biggy train. See what I did there? Uh... _so _not the point.

"Well, thanks so much, Bell. It means so much to me to be able to get away from all of this drama. But, uh.. you can let go of my hips now."

"Oh, of course. Sorry, Ig. Have fun in Narnabithia!" I smiled at the girl and regripped the handle of the door. Opening it, I inhaled, practically smelling the beauty and peace I had imagined.

I grinned, a mental image of sniffing the tulips I bet there would be, and the cute babbling brook that would run through the fresh, green grass. 

_Narnabithia, you wonderful place with such a strange name, here I come!_

And that was when I was pushed down a flight of stairs, into a room that smelled like basement...

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WHEN WILL HE LEAAAARN? Oh, right... I should know that, 'cause I'm the author... well... maybe by chapter 50. *wink*

**Zach: Oh ha-ha. Clever.  
Abby: Geez, who stole **_**your**_**twinkie, Mr. Grumpy face?  
Zach: *sticks tongue out*  
Abby: Anyway, like how I made Bell try to seduce him as an excuse? But fear not, I'm an Eggy fan at heart. Sooo please review! I'm sorry for the long wait and I know I always say it won't happen again and it usually does... but this time I'm going to try and write more, **_**promise!**_** (If said promise is broken, feel free to chase after me with flaming gym socks, q-tips or grandmothers) ***  
****Zach: ...no comment...  
Abby: I hope you liked this chapter! More soon, promise!**

Love and Dorian Gray,  
Abby

*****all consequences are strictly virtual, and should any harm actually be done to the author... just remember that there would be no more story after I am viciously murdered by burning grandmothers...**


	18. Narnabithia A Cellar?

**Hey everyone! I immediately started swearing, though I will refrain from doing so here, when I realized how long it's been since I've updated. Um, five months? WAY TOO DARN LONG. So I'm extreeemely sorry. So this chapter was bound to be short, seeing as on the list number 16 is a pretty simple and short task. Ergo, I have decided to do something risky that I never do... I combined two bullets on the list into one chapter! WOOH! Yeah, I know, you all still probably hate me for neglecting my stories. I'm a bad momma, I understand. But, despite this chapter's length, I really hope you all enjoy it!**

**Zach: You are a horrible excuse for a woman.  
Abby: STOP IT, YOU FIEND. YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A WOMAN!  
Zach: Uh.. That's what I just... Oh, never mind, just let them read, Abbs.**

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

_"Oh, of course. Sorry, Ig. Have fun in Narnabithia!" I smiled at the girl and regripped the handle of the door. Opening it, I inhaled, practically smelling the beauty and peace I had imagined._

_I grinned, a mental image of sniffing the tulips I bet there would be, and the cute babbling brook that would run through the fresh, green grass._

_Narnabithia, you wonderful place with such a strange name, here I come!_

_And that was when I was pushed down a flight of stairs, into a room that smelled like basement..._

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# 16- When he falls down the stairs leading to the cellar, tell him it's because Aslan and Jess became good friends and they decided against letting him inside.

**IGGY**

I was airborne-and not the good kind-for all of two seconds when my entire back side collided with an unevenly hard surface-obviously the stairs. I continued to skid down them until my feet reached the floor and the rest of my body stopped moving.

My mouth opened and closed for a second as I got to my feet, flapping like a fish out of water, until words finally came to me.

"Bell?" I was shocked. What was this tomfoolery? I didn't even know this girl! I heard a cute-I mean, wait, I'm angry with her-giggle from the stairs.

"I'm sorry, Iggy! It's just Aslan and Jess are friends now and I guess they kinda just decided against letting you in..." I blindly turned my sightless eyes up the stairs to where I assumed Bell was.

"What, so now it's just magically my cold and musty basement? I spat. This would be expected from Gazzy. Maybe even Fang or Max, but our new neighbor?

# 17- So they turned Narnabithia into a cellar.

**BELL**

Iggy sightlessly stared up at me. I admit, I was feeling guilty, but it's all for a bit of fun, right?

"What, so now it's just magically my cold and musty basement?" Iggy poked at me, and then started muttering to himself.

"Oh, I don't know, Iggy, maybe that's what they do when they feel they have an intruder. They don't like their new company and ZAP! BAM! ZOOF! Narnabithia is a cellar..." I trailed off lamely. "I do admit, it's darker than I remember... definitely less grassy. Gah, dear. Hmmph."

Iggy sighed angrily from below me. "But WHY would they do that? Why can you get in but I can't? All I want is some peace and quiet... I WOULD EVEN BAKE ASLAN AND JESS A CRÈME BRÛLÉE!"

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**Sooo, what do you think? Despite the shortness of it all, was it good? Bad? I'll try and update again soon, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to... I'm definitely going to write more, but from August 6th to the 13th I'm away with my dad and from the 17th to the 23rd I'm on vacation with my mom... So I'll try and write during the first trip, post the few days in between the two and then write some more during the next trip (if I have time). I'll definitely have some down time with my dad because I'll be on the sunny island of St. Maarten!**

Zach: Hmmph.

Abby: Oh quiet, please. He's just upset because I can't take him with me. But honestly, you're just a figment of my imagination, I can't very well talk to you in public around attractive native guys... though there really are none... And then I'm going to Disney with my mo-

Zach: BUT YOU'RE BRINGING ME!

Abby: Well yea, everything's crazy there anyway. But as I was saying, being in Disney means zero time for myself! But afterwords I'll try and update before our school starts again... dear goodness. Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter and I hope you review!

**Love and Apologies,**  
**Abby**


	19. Lion to Bird Prejudice

**AH! I'm awful, and prepared to be pelted with tomatoes and month-old trash for not updating when I said I was going to. I do have a **_**bit **_**of an excuse, but I feel extremely pathetic for using it. Okay so this summer I met a guy, and quite honestly he was the most perfect guy I had ever met. Literally, he was everything I had ever wanted in my dream guy, and he liked me too. So I spent **_**so much**_** time with him over the summer, which is why I didn't update then. And then right before school he randomly decided to break things off with me... and I've been spending the past 4 months trying to put myself together. And let me tell you, that has **_**not **_**been an easy task. Any time I think I start to get over him, there he is again, popping up in my mind and making me think about how sweet he was over the summer. But I'm going to stop there because I doubt any of you care, especially since he was indirectly the cause of my four or five month absence. Soooo, say no more, here is the story!**

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

_**BELL**_

_Iggy sightlessly stared up at me. I admit, I was feeling guilty, but it's all for a bit of fun, right?_

_"What, so now it's just magically my cold and musty basement?" Iggy poked at me, and then started muttering to himself._

_"Oh, I don't know, Iggy, maybe that's what they do when they feel they have an intruder. They don't like their new company and ZAP! BAM! ZOOF! Narnabithia is a cellar..." I trailed off lamely. "I do admit, it's darker than I remember... definitely less grassy. Gah, dear. Hmmph."_

_Iggy sighed angrily from below me. "But WHY would they do that? Why can you get in but I can't? All I want is some peace and quiet... I WOULD EVEN BAKE ASLAN AND JESS A CRÈME BRÛLÉE!"_

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# 18- because Aslan doesn't like birds. and Jess misses Lesli so badly that he doesn't even care anymore

**IGGY**

I found myself mumbling on the cold and damp ground of Narnabithia-cellar, even though I really had no idea what I was mumbling about. I think it had something to do with lions, a bird and crème brûlée... Oh, yea, that's right. Let's face it though, I make a _mean_ crème brûlée.

Anyone, whether talking lion or little boy _loves _this crème brûlée. Ain't no doubt about it, girlfriend. I, uh... sorry.

I thought I might have sprained my ankle or something because any time I tried to get up, an intense pain shot through my entire right leg.

"Bell? Aslan? Jess? _Anyone?_" I heard a very pathetic whimper leave my mouth. _Great. I've resorted to whimpering like a hopeless baboon. Spectacular. _I heard the door open again. Somebody had heard my pleas for help!

"Iggy! Oh, Iggy, goodness, you're still down there? I'm so sorry, I've talked to Aslan and Jess. It just, well, oh dear. It seems that Aslan has an issue with birds and Jess, well, poor Jess just doesn't care about anything ever since the whole Leslie situation. It seems that they turned Narnabithia into a cellar upon your arrival due to an awful prejudice. You should probably come back up here."

It was Bell. The sweet and innocent neighbor who had just wanted to give me my peace and quiet. Too bad the cold and hard rejection on the cold and hard cellar floor seemed to have turned my heart cold and hard.

"Well Bell, there's kind of a problem. See, when I was ferociously shoved into Narnabithia, which is now a freaking _CELLAR_, it seems that I sprained my right ankle. I can't walk anywhere."

I heard Bell cough uncomfortably. "Oh, Iggy. I'm sorry, I'll come down and help you." I heard soft and delicate footsteps venture down stairs, and if it weren't for the fact that I was very irritated, I probably would have thought they were cute. I felt a tiny arm wrap around my side as she helped me stand up.

"No offense, Iggy, but you know I can't completely support you..." Bell hesitated as she started up the stairs. I waited for her to help me, stubbornly not doing a very good job with complying.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

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**Okay, guys, it's short, I know. But you kind of have to expect that, what with the short bullets on the actual list. Otherwise, do you think it was up to par? I've had awful writers block as well, and I find that these are a bit harder to write considering they are so short I want to include as much detail as possible. So maybe that makes them even better, who really knows. So I would seriously love it if I got some feedback, even if it's really just a review filled with resentful hate. I'd take that. I just love you all so much because you're all so sweet and understanding, and I want you to know that even if it takes me a while to update usually, I won't give up on you all!**

**Love and Grumpy Mugs,**  
**Abby**


	20. A Bacon-Weaving Prophecy

**I am legit the worst author on this website, I know, and I wouldn't blame any of you if you didn't want to read my stories anymore. I'd take it like a man, rub some dirt in it, try not to cry salty tears of wasted dreams all destroyed by 12 years of misery in cement and brick buildings that supposedly build up know—  
Zach: Dear, I'll take it from here. THEY SUPPOSEDLY BUILD UP KNOWLEDGE BUT ALL THEY DO IS RIP YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS LIMB FROM LIMB LIKE ANCIENT AZTEC TRIBAL LEA—  
Abby: Really, Zach? Like that softened the picture any better? Point is, I'm not making up excuses for why it's been over a year since I gave you a measly update. I did, however go on the little rant because YESTERDAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL! Which is why I decided (since I have a sinus infection and needed fun), that I needed to start writing again. I figured fanfiction was the best place to start again –smiles-  
Zach: I'm back, man, and feelin' good! Ok, do you realize how much neglect I've been through lately? No! You don't! Shut up, Abby, just give the neglected readers their chapter, you... you… YOU PROSTITUTE!**

**Well, you heard the man. My apologies once again.**

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

"Well Bell, there's kind of a problem. See, when I was ferociously shoved into Narnabithia, which is now a freaking _CELLAR_, it seems that I sprained my right ankle. I can't walk anywhere."

I heard Bell cough uncomfortably. "Oh, Iggy. I'm sorry, I'll come down and help you." I heard soft and delicate footsteps venture down stairs, and if it weren't for the fact that I was very irritated, I probably would have thought they were cute. I felt a tiny arm wrap around my side as she helped me stand up.

"No offense, Iggy, but you know I can't completely support you..." Bell hesitated as she started up the stairs. I waited for her to help me, stubbornly not doing a very good job with complying.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

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#19 - Say "in accordance to the prophecy" after all of your sentences.

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**IGGY POV**

After finally discovering some aspirin up in this place, (and apparently developing quite the ghetto dialect), I eased into the brown leather couch in Mrs. Martinez's living room and waited for her to get some ice for my newly sprained ankle.

Sorry, correction, _pulled muscle_. Damn medical student.

I heard much smaller feet enter the room and sighed. All of these peasants had better be ready for some heart-felt, written apologies. That they obviously must read to me for I am blind.

"Here, Iggy, I brought you some ice. I had to do it for Mrs. Martinez in accordance to the prophecy!" Angel mystically whispered to me. She sort of managed to give me the shivers, as I felt a chill tap its way up the steps of my spinal cord.

"Angel, it is now Gazzy's turn. You must leave now, in accordance to the prophecy," I heard Max instruct our youngest.

Okay, what is this prophecy and where can I rea—er, hear it? Ooh, will there be an oracle? I have always wanted an oracle in our adventures! Just call me Iggy Jackson, Son of Hermes! Get it? The messenger? Winged shoes? I have wi—alright, you know, whatever.

"Big brother! In accordance to the prophecy, you must come visit dearest Iggy presently!" I heard the sound of the refrigerator door slam and hard plastic being sliced open with those paisley scissors Mrs. Martinez leaves on the counter between the fridge and the stainless steel sink all rhythmically sounding with the pounding footsteps of a kid who doesn't know how to walk without stomping. Seconds later the footsteps marched their way towards me until a 9 year old body plopped itself right on my lap.

"Oh hey there, partner. What's all this mumbo-jumbo stuff I keep hearing about a prophecy?" I asked as he fumbled with the snack he withdrew from the fridge. "And what are you eating? Please say it's got some kind of cheese and there's plenty to share!"

"I was hungry but could not eat in accordance to the prophecy. I did, however take out some bacon for you, Iggy!" I hardly had the time to wonder why he would want to feed me raw bacon when I felt rubbery strips of heaven land horizontally over my sightless eyes.

"Uh… are… are you putting bacon on my face?" I squirmed like bacon on a greasy frying pan as Gaz slid one vertically between my eyes, forming a cross with the other slice.

"I can save us! I know I can! This is how to do it, in accordance to the prophecy! We shall be free!" Gazzy laughed like a mad scientist as he continued to weave raw bacon on my face.

"OKAY, THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR STUPID BACON PROPHECY! GIVE ME ERASERS, NO PROBLEM! GIVE ME FLYBOYS, EVEN BETTER! BUT HAVE FANG START SINGING, STRAP A BRA ON MY HEAD, TOSS ME DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS, AND LAYER BACON ON MY HEAD AND I'LL LOSE IT!"

**Max POV**

"HAVE FANG START SINGING, STRAP A BRA ON MY HEAD, TOSS ME DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS, AND LAYER BACON ON MY HEAD AND I'LL LOSE IT!"

Iggy had finally snapped. I peeked into my mom's living room and saw Gazzy hop off Iggy's lap and save the bacon as it flopped angrily off Ig's face and nearly to the floor. Ever a member of my strong flock, Iggy limped towards his room with his frozen bag of snap peas, looking pissed off and in pain.

I felt an invisible force rest on my shoulder and chuckle as two broad arms of air wrapped themselves around my waist. An unseen pair of lips danced their way up my neck and I sighed into their ballet. I had a flock problem, though and as much as I was enjoying my unnoticeable moment of pleasure, I was still the leader of my family.

"Fang, really? You know now's not the time," I quietly scolded, turning around in his arms. He removed them before allowing himself to be seen once again.

"Sorry, couldn't resist. You looked a little tense, I know how masterminding gets to you, I just thought that maybe we could unwind, you know, together. Maybe tonight," I watched as the sparkle of a normal teenage boy flickered in Fang's eyes. Without looking around I quickly pecked him on the lips.

"Not right now, I'm sorry. I think we're not the only ones who need a night of unwinding, though. Let's lay off Ig for a while. I'm gonna go tell the kids."

Fang let me go and I went to relay the message to the youngest Flock members and Ella, who then called Bell, saying the next time she came over there would be no guarantee of a time-in…

But the game still isn't over.

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**What do you guys think! I tried to make this one long, and I think there will be a chapter without some pranks! Even Iggy is bound to get suspicious of everyone constantly being out to get him, so it's probably best to spread it out a bit, wouldn't you agree?**

**Zach: And this is why you're the author. ****Ba da ****bing****, ****ba**** da boom.  
****Abby: Quit it with the sarcasm, you know it hurts me when you use sarcasm on something I'm very self-conscious about! –starts to cry a bit-  
Zach: Shit-ake mushrooms. Come on, Abs, I'm actually really happy with how this chapter came out! Lengthiest one, maybe ever in this story!  
Abby: IT WAS LENGTHY?!  
Zach: In the most wonderful way! Uh… reviewers? Take it from here, please! Help!**

**Love and Self-Consciousness,  
Abby**


	21. Rough Apologies & a Softer Side of Fang

**Sup, guys! A month to update, that's not too bad, right?**

**Zach: Um, yea, maybe for you. Step up your game, woman!**

**Abby: You're right, you're right. Well, I am currently on my contraband laptop, seeing as my mother flipped on me yesterday when our dogs had accidents in the house. Basically, I'm not allowed electronics and I have to clean up after everyone's mess... All because the dogs had an accident. So yea, that is why I am apologizing for the short content, plus this chapter is sort of a filler.**

**Next chapter is going to be a combination of #s 20-22, so I think you'll all enjoy the little collaboration, (and hopefully lengthier chapter). Enjoy loves!**

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Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

"Not right now, I'm sorry. I think we're not the only ones who need a night of unwinding, though. Let's lay off Ig for a while. I'm gonna go tell the kids."

Fang let me go and I went to relay the message to the youngest Flock members and Ella, who then called Bell, saying the next time she came over there would be no guarantee of a time-in…

But the game still isn't over.

**MAX POV**

As the leader of The Flock I knew it was my job to somewhat mop up this mess we had made all over poor Iggy. But come on, it's been such fun!

I called a flock meeting in the kitchen while Iggy cooled down in his room with his chilled peas. Gazzy was cleaning up his bacon-y mess and Angel was dragging Celeste on the floor with one hand while grabbing Bell's in the other.

"OK, guys, I know we've all had quite the entertaining time, but I think we sort of owe it to Ig to lay low for a bit... I'm thinking maybe a week or so?"

A loud chorus of complaints filled the room, causing my authoritative side to bust out.

"HEY! I want each and every one of you to go in one at a time and give Iggy a real apology. Keep it vague in the details of the plan but be serious, 'kay? That includes you two," I added quickly to Fang and Bell's smirks, "you do not get out of this."

The group quieted down around the kitchen table, and I nodded at Angel to go first.

_But Max-_

_No "but"s, Angel, go. Age order._

_Yes, Max._

She solemnly peeled herself from her place at the table and slouched her way to Iggy's room.

"Gazzy, you next, then Bell, then Fang." They scoffed at my tone but quickly shut up at the glare they received. As Gazzy got up, I sighed and tiredly plopped into the chair beside me, throwing my head into my open hands.

"I'm doing a horrible job, aren't I? The second we have some safe down-time, I become the worst influence ever," I squeaked. I heard Fang move from his spot by the stove and felt a hand rest on my shoulder. Taking the hint, Bell got up and followed the kids toward Iggy.

Fang leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on the top of my head, and then swiftly dragged a chair over. His strong, calloused hands tenderly grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his dark, mystifying eyes.

"Maximum Ride, never once have you done anything worse than a fantastic job leading this flock, you hear me? We are all so lucky to have someone so strong, stoic compassionate and beautiful giving us direction in our circus of a life. You're letting them have fun, something we're all in desperate need of. We're not on the run anymore, at least for the time being, and that's something to celebrate. If I could be half the person and leader that you are I would be happy."

I smiled at Fang, he always knew what to say. Now, not that it's any of your business, but let's just say my man deserved the kiss he was given.

"Ewwww, gross, Max and Fang are making out again!" We broke apart, grinning at the young ones, particularly Gazzy, who was making gagging faces. "Iggy's ready for you two."

We got up, interlocking fingers, much to Gazzy's 9-year-old horror, and walked our way to Iggy. I knocked twice on the half-closed door, and pushed it open at his quiet, "Enter".

This apology was going to be a lot harder than I thought. One week until ultimate pranking and masterminding... That was the only thing I could wrap my brain around.

Well, Ig, enjoy your apologies while they last.

"Yo, Ig..."

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**So, yea I'm not really expecting the highest of all reviews and opinions for this one, like I said, it's just a filler. Stay tuned for next chapter, though, I have better expectations for that one! Thanks for putting up with my crazy life!**

**Love and Overreacting Mothers,  
**

**Abby**


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